Officemate

One day you will say it and I will crumble gracefully like I practiced a million times in front of the mirror.

And that day, as I waft across the crowded room, escaping the jaws of tears, you will try to explain, but no matter how I try to compose and re-compose myself, I won't be able to keep together and I will just leave.

I can't understand why you would do such a thing. Why now, when you have an over-abundance of love that even other people cannot imagine? Why now when you know you are with the few friends that you have? Why now when I am here, hopelessly, desperately, excruciatingly waiting for you... a chance to be with you?

What was there that felt so good that you risked -- knew -- losing all of this?

What can I do? When I'm asked who (or what) you are, I stammer and just end up not saying anything -- fearing (and knowing) that no words an describe "you" and "us". I gave you my entire world, knowing you cannot reciprocate, knowing you are too much of a coward to do anything, knowing I will die in the process, not asking for anything in return -- not asking anything at all.

All you've given me is this anxiety.

Generous Session

Who am I to ask for anything? Who am I to say how it eats me up inside how I can only wait for details to come vicarously through conversation? What right do I have to share the harrowing pain tearing through my soul when your not around, let alone, with someone else? I am just like everyone else... exaclty like everyone else... no different.

So I chug Generoso until my throat burns and my stomach churns. I run until my knees cave. I punch until my knuckles bleed and my shoulders pop out of their sockets. I deal in whatever way I can. Then, I listen as you say you are happier to see my life is all better.

Who am I to say anything at all? Because who am I to ask for anything? What right do I have aside from any other lay person? My words are no different from anybody else's.

It's Been a Long Time Coming

It's been too long a time since my last post.

There's been so much good and bad things all around that I just can't go into the details anymore, but I can, as usual, provide a rock ass summary of the things I've done and places I've been the past few weeks.

Photoshoots
Newest photo shoots for the team were of Nikka and Aimee at the Casa and around Rancho Estate 1. It was cool being able to practice strobing outdoors. We we also able to do a shoot with an old Studio 8 friend, Criela.

I also did my own little portrait gallery entitled, "Talking Heads". We'll see how that goes along as well.

Work
I've been beat up even more at work, which is sad because I have lost all sense on inspiration there. I do have a couple of campaigns coming out the next few days so that should be interesting.

Travels
Latest addition to the travel log is CamSur where me, a few of my friends and the group of Travel Factor all went to wakeboard and visit a few churches. Awesomest trip so far this year!

Family
We've also just finished the wake and the interment of my grandfather who passed away at the age of 73 from a lot of complications. It's good that he's able to rest now.

So that's it for now. I'm still alone, still just boxing. So how have you been?