Ponderful Anawangin

So I am back from the island mountains of Anawangin, Zambales where a big group of nature-lovers and I spent the weekend out of cyber contact.

No mobile signal. No electricity apart from batteries. You won't have food unless you brought some and pottable water was a bit hard to come by. No proper comode, just a nice beach and clear waters, rolling, rocky hills all around. Tall, dried pine trees provide somewhat of a shade from the seering sun. It was all good.

Now back in the office, I come with a recharged body and a bit of a heavy heart. The long hours of lounging on the hammock, scratching on my pad, sleeping on the earth, provided a whole lot of time to really immerse myself with all the issues floating around. No excuse for "more time" anymore.

Conclusion: I am not as smart as I hoped I would be. I was always the Batman, coming up with a weird ass solution to the most complicated of problems.

Not this time.

I thought if you thought hard enough, worked hard enough, prayed, that you will get what you think you deserve. I thought that bad luck will let up and some form of Higher Being will cut you some slack. I thought that, despite knowing there are things that you can't do anything about, doing your "best" will remedy that.

There are things that you cannot do anything about. It's up to them. There are people that will not have the heart to fight, or see what is needed to be seen -- what is right in front of them.

Awesome pictures of Anawangin to follow. I am at work anyway. God I can't wait for CamSur.

Out of Reach Reply: Anawangin

I shall be in the boondocks of Zambales from Friday night to Sunday afternoon and will not have access to anything (even a decent comode) until I get back to civilization. We shall be trekking the island mountains of Anawangin and Capones on Saturday. I hope to take some awesome, awesome pictures!

Project: Massacre

I will spending the week or so doing a momentous project that will drain every ounce of creativity that I have in me.

I've always wanted to fill a book with poems... so now I will. I will stuff my favorite little Charlie Chaplin notebook with poems and proses from end to end, and when complete, I will throw it away. Let's see if I can.

I'll check back for updates.

My Destiny Deux

I am not exaggerating -- everything is in the shitter... everything.

In all honestly, I cannnot take anything else anymore. So, God, Allah, Bathala, Beelzebul, whoever or whatever You are, please, I'm through. You don't have to cut me some slack anymore. Just stop kicking me when I'm already down.

My Destiny

My Destiny (internet) sucks!

I haven't had internet for the past week! Earlier this week, it was because of server problems. Now, unpaid balances. It seems that I always get those every month! The most inconvenient is that it happens when I need internet the most.

Aside from missing shows, I haven't uploaded shots I took over the weekend, lowering my status as the insanely fast post process-er. I've also not been sleeping well as of late and usually surfing helps me pass the time and I get some stuff done both for my site and for work.

This sucks! Now I have to pay for the bill and hope I get reimbursed.

In other news
I got the LensCoat for my 24-70L. It looks insanely cool! One of my favorite lenses is now white woodland camo! White! I can't wait to use it later at the fashion show a few of my photo buddies are covering for my old friend, Sam. That's additional shots to post process and upload. I really, really need to have my connection soon!

Also, work has been beating me up. I guess, aside from my dreams, that's the main reason why I really can't sleep -- overwhelming dread for the workday. I can't wait for the workout session to determine what really is my career path and job function. After then, I can really reflect and decide to stay and make this work or just move on. Don't get me wrong, I love my former function and the idea of my job. If it were just me, I'd make this my permanent professional home. If it were just me. There's just nothing really worth the sacrifice in the immediate vicinity. My real friends are gone, the work is menial, and the thought of career growth seems to have faded a long time ago. Still, I will hold off judgement until I get all the angles of the story. I'd like to think that the powers at be have put even a little thought on my career and on me personally. I know I have a little value in this company, but I feel that they find my value lower than what I think I am... it'll make things a lot easier for me.

An Inconvenient Realization...

I know you love me.

Whatever you or everyone else say, I made you love me. Underneath that crass, cunning, crookedly captivating smile of yours, I made you love me.

Thing only thing is... I don't know how much.

I just think if I leave, I don't think you love me enough to make me stay.