Officemate

One day you will say it and I will crumble gracefully like I practiced a million times in front of the mirror.

And that day, as I waft across the crowded room, escaping the jaws of tears, you will try to explain, but no matter how I try to compose and re-compose myself, I won't be able to keep together and I will just leave.

I can't understand why you would do such a thing. Why now, when you have an over-abundance of love that even other people cannot imagine? Why now when you know you are with the few friends that you have? Why now when I am here, hopelessly, desperately, excruciatingly waiting for you... a chance to be with you?

What was there that felt so good that you risked -- knew -- losing all of this?

What can I do? When I'm asked who (or what) you are, I stammer and just end up not saying anything -- fearing (and knowing) that no words an describe "you" and "us". I gave you my entire world, knowing you cannot reciprocate, knowing you are too much of a coward to do anything, knowing I will die in the process, not asking for anything in return -- not asking anything at all.

All you've given me is this anxiety.